To Work? Or Not to Work?
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I’m sorry, but I have to weigh in on Hilary Rosen’s comment about Ann Romney. It has touched a nerve with me and, hey, why have a blog if
one can’t use it as a platform every now and then?
*****
I get it. Maybe that’s not what she meant, but it sure is
what she said.
“She hasn’t worked a
day in her life.”
It may have been a commentary on Ann Romney’s lack of
experience in the field of economics, but still, the comment packed a punch.
Why? Why would that statement create such a firestorm among
women and men, liberals and conservatives? Why is this issue of stay-at-home
moms so electrifying?
Because the decision
to stay at home with our children or to spend time working outside the home is
an intensely personal decision, and when someone makes a comment, even a
seemingly innocent one, that attacks that personal decision, it hurts. Deeply.
There are a thousand different ways I could go with this
blog post, but I only want to say this, especially to my many friends who are
just now learning to navigate the tricky waters of motherhood and working and family
life: there is no right or wrong way to
work out your own family.
Don’t misunderstand me: there are rights and wrongs in this
world—the Bible makes it very clear on those issues. And the Bible gives us definite
guidelines for our families.
But we Christians—and I am speaking to those of us who claim
Christianity right now—sometimes put some extra parameters to those guidelines
set forth in the Bible. It’s like
we want to add an 11th commandment: “your family shall look just
like mine.”
In my lifetime I have heard things like, “You really should have more than X number
of kids.” Or “You really should only
have two children, then stop having kids.” Or “If you don’t breastfeed your children you’re not doing what’s best for
them.” Or “If you don’t send your
children to [insert type of school here] school you’re not doing the most you can do for your kids.”
And it goes on and on. The judging.
I’m guilty of it too. It’s something I pray about regularly.
But truly, I believe this, there is no right or wrong way to work out your family. If there
were, God would have told us exactly how to do it. But he left some things
intentionally hazy, probably so we could learn a thing or two about ourselves
and about Him while we were working out how to do family life.
In the 20-plus years that I’ve been a mother I have . . .
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stayed home full time.
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worked outside the home part-time.
-
worked from home.
-
volunteered, a lot.
-
thought that having two kids was just perfect.
-
changed my mind about two kids.
-
wondered what kind of mom I’d be to four kids
(probably not that great).
-
breastfed my baby (only one, and not for long).
-
bottle-fed, happily.
-
allowed my children to eat junk food.
-
gave them vegetables occasionally.
-
put my kids in preschool.
-
put my kids in regular school.
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wondered if I’m doing any of this right.
My list probably looks very different from your list. And
you know what? That’s O.K.!
What’s wrong is for anyone to look down on your list or mine
for the choices we’ve made. And that’s my beef with Hilary Rosen. There’s just too much second-guessing the
choices we women make in our lives, and Hilary Rosen simply added fuel to the
judgmental fire.
Last week I talked with a friend who will be leaving for the
mission field soon. She and her husband and two sons will be living in a place
with one of the highest costs of living in the world (I can’t imagine having to
raise the kind of support they are trying to raise!). To help supplement their
income, my friend has applied for a job, but she told me she’s worried about
her two young sons. Will they be O.K. if she works? (Her husband will be
available to spend time with the youngest each afternoon.) What will people
think?
I told her this: “There is no right or wrong here. Pray, and
God will make it clear what you need to do.”
Friends, we need to release ourselves and each other from
our own pre-conceived ideas of what’s right and wrong for our families.
- Whether a mom works outside the home or chooses
to stay home full time for 25 years is not a right or wrong issue.
- Whether a family chooses to have two children or
twenty is not a right or wrong issue.
- Whether the father stays home with the kids
while the mom goes to work is not a right or wrong issue.
God is ultimately in control of our families. Let’s let Him
decide how they should look. Seek Him, look to His approval, and focus on His
ultimate glory and I promise you, your family will be blessed.
